KBGS Old Boys' Forum

A place to discuss Keighley Boys' Grammar School. 


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KBGS Old Boys' Forum
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Re: Yorkshire Humour

John, A Yorkshireman, decided to go golfing in Scotland with his friend Keith. So they loaded up John's minivan and headed north.

After driving for a few hours, they got caught in a terrible blizzard. So they pulled into a nearby farm and asked the attractive lady who answered the door if they could spend the night.

"I realize it's terrible weather out there and I have this huge house all to myself, but I'm recently widowed," she explained, "and 'I'm afraid the neighbours will talk if I let you stay in my house."

"Don't worry lass" John said. "We'll be 'appy to sleep in t'barn, and if t'weather breaks we'll be off in t'mornin"

The lady agreed, and the two men found their way to the barn and settled in for the night. Come morning, the weather had cleared, and they got on their way. They enjoyed a great weekend of golf..

But about nine months later, John got an unexpected letter from a law firm. It took him a few minutes to figure it out, but he finally determined that it was from a solicitor acting on behalf of that attractive widow he had met on the golf weekend.

He dropped in on his friend Keith and asked, "Keith, does tha remember that good-looking widow from t'farm we stayed at on our golf holiday in Scotland about 9 months ago?"

"Aye, ah do that," said Keith.

"Did thee, er, happen to gerrup in t'middle o' t'night, go up to 'er house and pay 'er a visit?"

"Er, aye, I did " Keith said,a little embarrassed about being found out.

"And did thee happen to give 'er my name instead of telling 'er tha' name?"

Keith's face turned beetroot red and he said, "Yeah, look, ah'm sorry, mate. I'm afraid ah did. Why do you ask?"

"She just deed and left me everything."

Years at KBGS e.g. 1958-1964 (optional) 58-64

Current location (optional) Wirral

Re: Yorkshire Humour

Miss Beatrice, The church organist, was in her eighties And had never been married. She was admired for her sweetness and kindness to all. One afternoon the minister came to call on her and she showed him into her quaint sitting room. She invited him to have a seat while she prepared tea. As he sat facing her old Hammond organ, the young minister noticed a cute glass bowl sitting on top of it. The bowl was filled with water, and in the water floated, of all things, a condom! When she returned with tea and scones, They began to chat.. The pastor tried to stifle his curiosity about the bowl of water and its strange floater, but soon it got the better of him
and he could no longer resist. 'Miss Beatrice', he said, 'I wonder if you would tell me about this?' Pointing to the bowl. 'Oh, yes,' she replied, 'Isn't it wonderful? I was walking through the park a few months ago and I found this little package on the ground. The directions said to place it on the organ, keep it wet and that it would prevent the spread of disease. Do you know
I haven't had the flu all winter.

Years at KBGS e.g. 1958-1964 (optional) 58-64

Current location (optional) Wirral

Re: Yorkshire Humour

A group of young whizz kids from London were having a few days break in a cottage in the Pennines. The city analyst went out for a spin in his Porsche one afternoon but it spluttered to a halt along a little lane.
He could see a farmer in a field a couple of hundred yards away but, not wanting to appear completely incompetent, he lifted the bonnet and poked around. He became aware that he was being watched, turned round and saw a sheep with its' head over the wall about three feet away staring intently at the engine.
It slowly moved its' gaze towards him and said "Ah reckon yer've brokken a camshaft."
He was amazed and very excited. He ran down the lane to the farmer and said "Are those your sheep in that field?"
"Aye."
"Well one of them can talk. He's just told me what's wrong with my car."
"Wor it yon tup wi't brokken 'orn?"
"Yes it did have a broken horn - but it can TALK. It told me what was wrong with my car."
"Tek no notice. E' naws nowt abaht cars."

Years at KBGS e.g. 1958-1964 (optional) 1958-65

Current location (optional) Leeds