To be a Yorkshireman, do you have to be born in the sound of Bill Bowes (Leeds)-- as opposed to Bow Bells!

Although I have lived down under longer than I lived in Yorkshire, I am still proud to call myself a Yorkshireman, and anyone who comes to my home is under no illusion when they leave,that I am anything else.I remember being impressed by Bill Bowes after he came to speak in Keighley in the 50's about touring Australia as a cricketer. Good guy I thought but then at about 16/17 I was easily impressed at meeting a famous cricketer.I didn't really answer your question Cedric--- I enjoyed your semantics. Cheers.

Years at KBGS e.g. 1958-1964 (optional) 47-51

Current location (optional) Auckland,NZ

Some, well, many years ago now, I was over in Burley in Wharfedale for a course in Environmental Studies. We went out into the evening fields as part of the course. There, in a belted mac and flat cap, walking his dog, and chatting to his wife was the great bowler himself. Tall, massive broad shoulders and, of course, the glasses. I saw him once before at Headingley in his Benefit game against Middlesex, I was in the crowd and he was at mid on, but I knew him instantly.
'Good Evening, Mr Bowes.' I ventured.
He stopped and turned to me,' Good Evening, Lad.'.
I was 44!
He went on his way, trailing clouds of glory.
I watched the giant reduced by years to a slightly stooped, old man, fade into the evening.
A magic moment for me.
Arthur
BTW Anywhere West of York, North of Wakefield, South of Ilkley and East of Skipton is Yorkshire proper, the rest are just happy to feel included but add nowt of worth.

I remember opening the batting against a bowler by the name of Bill Bowes! The occasion was a match somewhere in the the East Riding of Yorkshire during my National Service at RAF.Driffield. I had been batting 4 or 5 with the local town team in the East Yorkshire Cup Competition at weekends and scoring some useful runs and fancied opening the batting against this tall, bespectacled opening fast bowler. Of course, it was Bill Bowes' son, a dead ringer for his famous dad- and the 'so-and-so' got me LBW first ball!!! Still, it looked good in the old scorebook!

Years at KBGS e.g. 1958-1964 (optional) 45-50

Current location (optional) Keighley

It would be nice David Seeley, if like Bill Walsh, you could appreciate and be generous enough to note my perspicacity in raising the semantic joke in the first place. Thereby giving you the opportunity to relate your own anecdotes.

It would be "nice", MF, if we knew what the initials MF represented. And that goes for all the other ex or current MI5 agents who correspond with this site and who deny us knowledge of who they are. I thought we had drawn a line under noms de keyboard and other pseudonyms. We have nowt of shame to hide - unless you list our old school. I seem to recall (gets harder these days) that Chris had made it a prerequisite of posting that "posters" enter their particulars in the Guest Book. I have no wish to be contentious - just that we all "laik on t' same wicket"! - level or otherwise.

Years at KBGS e.g. 1958-1964 (optional) 52-60

Quite right, Terry - particularly as I can't see where the mysterious MF 'raised the joke in the first place'

There really is very little point in taking part in this forum unless you're going to identify yourself.

Years at KBGS e.g. 1958-1964 (optional) 52-57

Current location (optional) melbourne

When one gets to my age or thereabouts one does find that one's conversation does begin to consist of mainly anecdotes, generally introduced by 'I remember when I were a lad.....' and culminating with ' ... but things aren't what they used to be, tha knaws.' One of the unrecognised rewards of advancing years( apart from a free bus pass) is having lived long and exciting enough to have acquired a copious fund of such anecdotes. Arthur

Come on then, Arthur. Let's be 'aving'em. Don't keep them all to thissen - even though tha were browt up wi'rationing.

Years at KBGS e.g. 1958-1964 (optional) 52-60

Go on then but remember you did ask:

The Two –Ringed Circus

Thi granddad Thomas, mi Dad, had a terrible thirst,
tha knows, sup owt he would,
well it killed him at finish and all
but you know that.

He wuh a skilled mason
‘elped build Ogden Water
and ‘e ‘ad a ‘and
in most of the big buildings in ‘alifax
as well I seemed to recall.
But ‘e ‘ad to have his drink, dint ‘e?
Aye, drink wur a cuss fer 'im
an' many lahk 'im, ah suppose.

Dust naw when 'ee dint 'av t'coin ter buy owt
'ee 'ed a two ring circus in ‘is topcoit.
Ah! Ah si thi lukin strange there,
that med thi sirrup, bur 'e did tha knaws.
'ee called it 'is Two-Ringed Circus, onyrooad

'ee 'ed an albino rat
as 'eed copt at back a t'ovun.
It used to cum aht an' wissul on t'arth, 'ee sed,
an' wun neet he threw some crumbs dahn and copt it
in an old shoe box
an' then he kept it on a chain in 'is coit pockit .

Soah nah, he cud go inta a pub
an' tell ivryone as ud lissen
as ah 'ee had t'onli wissulin' rat in t'Wuld.
Bur it wunt wissul for nowt, tha knaws,
there 'ad to be a pint or two in it for thi Grandad, dust see.
An' then 'eed tek it aht on 'is pokkit
purrit on t'bar an' it ud sirrup an' wissul like a gud un.
Mind you, ah reckon it wuh just squeakin'
like ony normal run o the mill rat
bur if a feller cums inta thi pub
an, sez 'ee 'as a wissulin' rat,
an' tha's ed a few thisen,
tha'll beleev owt wunta?
An it bein' white an' awl wi pink eyes,
that mun 'ev 'elpt a lot, ah'm thinkin'

Two ring ?
Oh, aye, well in t'other pockit
wuh t'smallest puppies in't Wuld!!
They were ded an' pickled in surgicul alcuholl
The'd bin teken fro' a peke
when shi 'ed an operashun fuh gawlstoan.
They wuh fully-formed but reet tiny
pale as dead fish in thur alcuholl
an' thur wee eyes shut.
They bobbed and floated abaht, very strange.
Used to gi mi goose bumps. Just watchin them
when things wuh quiet.

'ee even ed t'gawlstoan as t'fob on 'is 'unter
burree lost it in a feet ower summat an nowt
wen 'ee wuh kaylied wun time durin' Wake wik.

Kept 'im i' drink 'is Two-Ringed Circus did
but then thuh came t'tahm wen ivryone 'ed sin it awl
an' awl t'novilti 'ed gooan
an they wunt pay 'im a drink nor nowt ony more.

Then t'rat deed an' thi granddad
emptid puppis aht a t'jar
an drank all t'alcuholl
in t'leean-to in't backyahd
an' thi granma fahnd 'im
asleeap and white as t'toilet wall laid on sum sackin'
an' shu swilled 'im wi' t'mop bukkit
bur 'ee dint mooiv, nur at awl, not fuh days.
By Gow, burree wur poorly, tha naws.

I did warn you!! Arthur

He might actually be MI5 or MI6. Anyway, regarding semantic jokes, the Aussies are still clearly the best.

How about going for pee in Aussie. 'Straining the potaoes'; 'Pointing Percy at the porcelain' and 'Getting out the one-eyed trouser snake'. Priceless. But are Aussies still into 'Strine'.

This is getting "Spooky". I think MF has posted under the wrong topic (typical UK security) and, further to confuse us, has laid a Le Carre trail. The tinker! He's got NL thinking BW is a wallaby.

Years at KBGS e.g. 1958-1964 (optional) 52-60

Well this posting has taken a few twists,eh?
First--- the Aussies,good mates of mine that they are, cannot lay claim to "Point Percy at the Porcelain" -that credit has to go to David Niven in a film from the 70's I think. The name might come back to me but I remember at the time thinking that was a nice variation from " Slant Sam at the stainless steel."
Second- Arthur, keep your anecdotes coming------from an expats point of view they are priceless.Even though I have lived downunder for over 50 years, on the occasions I have been home and caught up with oldies and in particular some farming friends who use dialect everyday,it just comes naturally to understand it and as my dear wife pointed out,I was using words that she had never heard me use in over 40 years of marriage,and she couldn't understand me. It just emerges from the depths without you realising it. I guess that is a measure of being a Yorkshireman. Cheers.

Years at KBGS e.g. 1958-1964 (optional) 47-51

Current location (optional) Auckland,NZ

I have to take issue with you regarding Percy. First coined, to the best of my knowledge, by Barry Humphries in his Private Eye cartoon strip "Barrie McKenzie", the tale of a hapless Australian immigrant in 60's London.

Fair enough IW- you may well be right. I just remember that the first time I heard the expression was in the David Niven film with Doris Day and it might have been "don't eat the daisies ' or similar.I wouldn't bet on that though, it was a long time ago.
Barry Humphries was /is capable of anything I guess, so I give way. Cheers.

Years at KBGS e.g. 1958-1964 (optional) 47-51

Current location (optional) Auckland,NZ

What I like about the Australian slang is ' Calling God on the Great White Telephone' for vomiting as too ' Chunder' in ' to chunder' which I understand comes from 'watch under' where someone in the top bunk is being seasick over the side and warns his neighbour in a lower bunk, likewise 'Calling Huey on the Great White Telephone'.
As for Strine , there was a book published called ' Teach yourself Strine', which was a hoot, I can now only recall the Australian Shopping Housewife ' Emma Chissit'. Arthur

You should shout yourself a holiday there Arthur. The challenge is to find someone who speaks English,let alone Australian. A few years ago I stopped at a service station in Canterbury Road, Melbourne, to ask directions- of the attendant pulling gas,the customer getting served, and two people walking past,none spoka da English.Cheers.

Years at KBGS e.g. 1958-1964 (optional) 47-51

Current location (optional) Auckland,NZ

Back to Cedric's original posting - surely a Yorkshireman is someone who, when they are ecstatically happy and are asked "How yer doin'?", will reply "N't so bad."

Years at KBGS e.g. 1958-1964 (optional) 58-65

Current location (optional) Leeds

Or, "O, fair t' middlin, tha naws"

Years at KBGS e.g. 1958-1964 (optional) 58 -65

Bill. Quite recently while looking for a hotel in Earl's court I stopped five people, all white, to ask the way. Not one spoke English or understood me at all. Arthur

No wonder, in Earls Court they're all Oztralians.

Years at KBGS e.g. 1958-1964 (optional) 52-60

Earls Court, expensive. Did Not Anthony Hancock esq base his series there.

Earls Court? A man of his calibre (pronounced in Hancock's inimitable way)? No. 'Twas East Cheam.

Years at KBGS e.g. 1958-1964 (optional) 58-65

Current location (optional) Leeds

- 23 Railway Cuttings, I believe - Ah Happy Days!

Years at KBGS e.g. 1958-1964 (optional) 45-50

Current location (optional) Keighley

Yes. Anthony Aloysius Hancock plus Sidney Balmoral James and William Billabong Kerr. Good memories, though we have strayed from the thread a little.

Years at KBGS e.g. 1958-1964 (optional) 58-65

Current location (optional) Leeds

I believe Hancock was in a bedsit in Earls Court when one of his girl friend's wanted to all their first child 'Elvis Hancock'. But surely that was after he had left Sidney James back in Railway Cuttings, East Cheam!

Possibly we're reminiscing at cross purposes Peter. I recall Hancock's Half Hour on the radio. I do know that he migrated to the TV later in a series called simply Hancock. Maybe he moved house too at that point.

Years at KBGS e.g. 1958-1964 (optional) 58-65

Current location (optional) Leeds

Stone me! You can hear Hancock every week on Radio 7. Buy a digital radio, or hear it online. Also "I'm Sorry, I'll Read That Again", "Round the Horne" and even the truly awful "Clitheroe Kid".

Gee, what was the vintage of The Clitheroe Kid ?. Didnt this start on the radio in the fifties with our own Mollie Sugden as Jimmys mother.

Oh, you've started something now IW - Beyond Our Ken (forerunner of Round the Horne"), The Navy Lark, The Goon Show, Ray's a Laugh and the truly ridiculous radio ventriloquist, Peter Brough, with Archie Andrews.

Years at KBGS e.g. 1958-1964 (optional) 58-65

Current location (optional) Leeds

http://homepage.ntlworld.com/brian.ethers/Strine/Dict.html

Anyone interested in Learning to speak Strine? This is a hilarious way to learn. Arthur

Some good reminisces here-Shaun-you mention Bill Kerr-------------- he used to describe himself as the man from Wagga Wagga. I couldn't imagine anywhere being called Wagga Wagga, but when I drove through there in the 50's I said to my mate "so this is where Bill Kerr comes from".

Years at KBGS e.g. 1958-1964 (optional) 47-51

Current location (optional) Auckland,NZ

Did not Clive James the broadcaster and author emanate from Snake Gulley, NSW.

Sorry mate, Clive James came from Kogarah in Southern Sydney

Chums,

As clear as I once heard Joe Watthey say 'bend over you miscreant' I heard Clive James say on the BBC 'I used to live in a place called Snake Gulley'. Which may be a very precise location indeed in NSW.

You can email Clive on the subject by the way. Cheers Kevin.

Snake Gully? Sounds like some sort of horrid Australian gay slang.

To the best of my knowledge,Snake Gully is a mythical place,the home of Dad and Dave,and Dave's girl friend Mabel.There are simply hundreds of stories,jokes about the exploits Dave and Mabel. Lots of Aussie funnymen have "ridden on the back" of Aussie legends and stories.There is even a pub actually built as a result of a popular cartoon series.Hope that helps.

Years at KBGS e.g. 1958-1964 (optional) 47-51

Current location (optional) Auckland,NZ

It is established then, Snake Gulley is a real place. And this is where Clive James comes from. Full Stop. By the way chums, a statue is to erected to Freddie Trueman in Skipton!

For a different view of Yorkshire go to Youtube and type in "Yorkshire Airlines". Hope you enjoy the next 2 minutes of it.

Years at KBGS e.g. 1958-1964 (optional) 58-63

Current location (optional) Exeter, Devon

I greatly enjoyed "The two ring circus". Got any more?

Years at KBGS e.g. 1958-1964 (optional) 52-57

Current location (optional) USA

Re: taking a leak........
How about "Shaking hands with Hitler"?

Years at KBGS e.g. 1958-1964 (optional) 52-57

Current location (optional) USA

For Bernard and antone else that likes a good story.

The Ill-mannered Corpse.

Ah wuh niver cut out for t' job in't fust place,
mi Grandad sed , knocking his pipe out on his heel,
but ah needed t'wuk
ah could ‘andle ‘osses
an' ah figured milk or coffins it’s same 'osses,
so ah took t’job, for a couple of weeks,
to put me on, like.

They call 'em all sorts nowadays,
funeral directors or summut like that,
an’ wus in America, ah ‘ear tell,
but back then it wuh t'underteckers.
Eli Myerscough and Son at t'end o't street.
They had two black 'osses
an when they had a job on
it wuh my job to fettle ‘em up,
fit black plooims on thur ‘eds
an' polish the lovely 'erse they ‘ad,
all black and silver.
It wuh an’ansome way to go, I always thowt.
Ah ‘ad to wear a top 'at and t 'lot
an sit theer lookin’ proper glum and respectful like.
They even powdered mi face white.

It wuh a funny job
an I never really got t’hang on it.
ah don’t like bein’ around dead people at best of times
ah suppose some cud get used to that bit on it
but I never did, not really.

Like that time I got separated
from t’main funeral procession
and finished up dahn this lane
on t’wrong side of t’wall from the cemetery.
It wuh a reet narrer lane
wi no way I could turn rahnd
so I went forrard,
just me and the hosses
and the coffin wi the dead lady in it.
It wuh reet quiet
just sunshine, flies and nettles and us
wendin’ our way slowly dahn this muck road
then over t’sound of hooves
and wheels crunching on t’road
I thowt I cud hear this scratchin’ sound.
Ah’m not sure to this day what it was,
it might a bin low branches
an it probably was,
scratching on’t roof of t’earse,
whativer, mi imagination knew what it wuh.
It wuh that owd dead lady trying to get out.
Mi hair wuh straight up
and mi top hat left me ‘ed
and I cracked mi whip over t’eds o them ‘osses
and one across their backsides fuh luck
and they wuh off like a shot off a shuvvil.
Decorum be buggered-
I wuh out o’ theer.

We shot down that lane
all ower t’place
and out of t’end
right into t’ middle of t’ funeral procession,
which wuh making its dignified way towards the cemetery.
Well there wuh some reet funny looks
as I shot past ‘em goin’ t’other way,
t’ osses winnying and rollin’ their eyes
and t’earse rockin and bouncing
and t’coffin noan lookin so safe.

Ah realised Ah wuh bein’ daft
and got mi senses back.
Ah slowed ‘em dahn,
fund me ‘at an straightened missen up
and went and caught up wi’ t’rest on em.

I explained a rabbit ‘ad startled t’ ‘osses
and they ‘ad bolted.
Well t’osses wuh never goin’ to tell it different wuh they
and ‘er int coffin ad nowt to say abaht it, nawther.
We checked the lady was still intact and,
when no one wuh watchin’
I lissuned to t’coffin
to see if there wuh owt inside scratchin’ to get aht
but thuh want. though ah don’t knaw
what ah wud a done if ah’d a heered owt.
We finished the funeral
with ‘some remnants of decorum’
as young Mr Myerscough sneeringly called it.
Vicious mouth he ‘ad.

Apart from that pantomime
ah wuh alreet
ah cud 'andle 'osses wi t'best on 'em, right enough
but then one day ah wuh told to shave this corpse,
well, that something else again, tha knows.

Dust know, certain things go on workin' after tha's cocked thi clogs.
No, I thought not, well nawther did ah till ah 'ed to shave Simmy.
Tha see, thi beard gus on growin' after tha's clocked aht
an’ sometimes they 'ad to be shaved
so they looked presentable
when they wuh laid out in thu front rooms.
Thi stummick goes on wukkin', too, digestin' an that.

Well, ah wuh shavin' Simmy,
Simeon 'ardcastle, young Martin's granddad,
but sithee say nowt,
doan't thee go upsettin' fowk for no reason,
any ‘ow, ah wuh shavin' 'im,
an' 'e must ' ave etten ‘earty at 'is last meal
cos as ah leaned on his stummick
latherin' 'is jaw,
he belched, reet in mi face,
a reet rift, it was, like a clap o'thunder.
Ah felt t'wind on it on mi hand
a reet weird cowd breeze.
Well, jug o’ lather an t'brush wuh into one corner
an' t'cut throat wuh into t'other
an' ah wuh aht a there like a bat out of hell, ah can tell thi.

As ah say ah only worked there a cupple a weeks.
Ah mean to say, 'andling 'osses is one thing
but shavin' a bad-mannered corpse
as can't say pardin is another.

Well done Arthur------ I got through it ok with a
smile and a chuckle. Cheers.

Years at KBGS e.g. 1958-1964 (optional) 47-51

Current location (optional) Auckland,NZ

Nivver mind "well done" Bill, it started my day off with a reet gud laugh!
Wife wants to knaw what am laughin' at.......ow in ell am a gunna explain summat like this to er?
Well done, Arthur!

Years at KBGS e.g. 1958-1964 (optional) 52-57

Current location (optional) USA

Anybody know where you can obtain those incomparable Aussie 'Barry Mackenzie' films of the seventies. Simply priceless.

Here you go....

http://www.moviemail-online.co.uk/films/7148/The_Adventures_Of_Barry_Mackenzie/

Years at KBGS e.g. 1958-1964 (optional) 52-57

Current location (optional) USA

A reight belter, Arthur!!

Years at KBGS e.g. 1958-1964 (optional) 52-60

To be considered to be a Yorkshireman in our street, when I was a kid, you had to get sight of the first edition of the Bradford Telegraph and study the Stop Press to see if Yorkshire had added a run to their overnight score. Or, when they were streaming home from Prinnies at tea time, stop every bloke carrying a Telegraph or a Post, to see if his latest score for Yorkshire was better than the previous best you had heard.

Years at KBGS e.g. 1958-1964 (optional) 52-60