WHY ENGLISH IS SO DIFFICULT --- (Mr Tony Peart in memoriam)

We'll begin with a box, and the plural is boxes;
but the plural of ox became oxen not oxes.
One fowl is a goose, but two are called geese,
yet the plural of moose should never be meese.
You may find a lone mouse or a nest full of mice;
yet the plural of House is houses, not hice.
If the plural of man is always called men,
why shouldn't the plural of pan be called pen?
If I spoke of my foot and show you my feet
and I give you a boot, Would a pair be called beet?
If one is a tooth and a whole set are teeth,
why shouldn't the plural of booth be called beeth?
Then one may be that, and three would be those,
yet hat in the plural would never be hose
and the plural of cat is cats, not cose.
We speak of a brother and also of brethren
but though we say mother, we never say methren.
Then the masculine pronouns are he, his and him
but imagine the feminine, she, shis and shim.

Some reasons to be grateful if you grew up speaking English
1) The bandage was wound around the wound.
2) The farm was used to produce produce.
3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
4) We must polish the Polish furniture.
5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.
6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.
8) At the Army base, a bass was painted on the head of a bass drum.
9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
10) I did not object to the object.
11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
13) They were too close to the door to close it.
14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.
15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
18) After a number of Novocain injections, my jaw got number.
19) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.
20) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
21) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?
22) I spent last evening evening out a pile of dirt.

Screwy pronunciations can mess up your mind!
For example... If you have a rough cough, climbing can be tough when going through the bough on a tree!
Let's face it - English is a crazy language.
There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat.
We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig. And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham?

Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend? If You have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?
If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?
Sometimes I think all the folks who grew up speaking English should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane.
In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital?
Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell? How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wiseguy are opposites? You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which an alarm goes off by going on.
English was invented by people, across the ages, and it reflects the creativity of the human race (which, of course, isn't a race at all).
That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.

Years at KBGS e.g. 1958-1964 (optional) 58-64

Current location (optional) Wirral

Did Tony write this Brian?

Years at KBGS e.g. 1958-1964 (optional) 1959 to 1966

Current location (optional) Shoreham-by-Sea

A bit of a tangent here but is that Dave Baldwin who played cricket for Long Lee?

No Tony Peart didnt write it, it's something I picked up on the internet ages ago, and not erased.

Years at KBGS e.g. 1958-1964 (optional) 58-64

Current location (optional) Wirral

Sorry Arthur,

Sadly not, although I used to drink with the other David Baldwin at the Con Club. My namesake used to work for Wright & Wright whilst I worked for Martins Bank.

Years at KBGS e.g. 1958-1964 (optional) 1959 to 1966

Current location (optional) Shoreham-by-Sea

I always puzzled over the word Fishmonger. Does he mong fish. Is there a verb 'to mong' ?

Years at KBGS e.g. 1958-1964 (optional) 1958-1964

Current location (optional) Wirral

Ye olde etymologie say: Old English mangere "merchant, trader, broker," from mangian "to traffic, trade," from Proto-Germanic *mangojan (cf. Old Saxon mangon, Old Norse mangri), from Latin mango (genitive mangonis) "dealer, trader, slave-dealer," from a noun derivative of Greek manganon "contrivance, means of enchantment," from PIE root *mang- "to embellish, dress, trim." Used in comb. form in English since at least 12c.; since 16c. chiefly with overtones of petty and disreputable.

Wow, we have scholar among our ranks. Thanks Allan !


Another word that puzzles me is 'Soroptomist'. There are several clubs of these round here. Do they soropt?

Years at KBGS e.g. 1958-1964 (optional) 1958-1964

Current location (optional) Wirral

Soroptimist
International society of business women and women executives, first club formed 1921 in Oakland, Calif., U.S., from sorority + optimist, probably after the Optimist Club (http://www.optimist.org/e/visitor/clubs1.cfm).
Also, from the horse's mouth: http://www.soroptimistinternational.org/who-we-are/history
Google's great. Makes folk think you're a scholar!

B****y H**l Brian,
A man of your experience having never heard of 'The Soroptomists'!

The Keighley branch even meet at the Keighlians Club, whilst the Skipton branch have their own rooms in Otley Street.

Years at KBGS e.g. 1958-1964 (optional) 1959 to 1966

Current location (optional) Shoreham-by-Sea

I didnt say I hadnt heard of them Dave, I said there were loads of them round here. I knew hey were 'do-gooders' of some sort , but wondered where the term came from.

Years at KBGS e.g. 1958-1964 (optional) 1958-1964

Current location (optional) Wirral

There is always an implication in the use by critics of the term "do-gooders" that they invariably or unwittingly "do-bad".

I think that their detractors, if they are genuine, should draw up an agenda for "do-badders" and pre-assess where it is that they could or would "do-good".

I think history has the answers - depending on where you are coming from.

Years at KBGS e.g. 1958-1964 (optional) 1952-60

Current location (optional) Nirvana

Strange, isn't it, that to be labelled a "do-gooder" is a term of abuse?

Funny - I was thinking that too Alec. Having spent my career in Social Work, I'm used to it. Tends to be used pejoratively by rich people and Daily Mail readers, I find. (Not that there any of those hereabouts).

Recent activity on this thread goes to illustrate Brian's first assertion - "Why English is so difficult".
Easy to type something and press "send". If it had said "a group that is set up to do good works" there would have been no discussion.
Like Allan, during my working life, I was occasionally called a do-gooder. I took it as a complement.
Since I married an Irish woman 31 years ago I have wrestled with English being difficult.

Years at KBGS e.g. 1958-1964 (optional) 1958-65

Current location (optional) Leeds

Yes, Shaun, you're right. And I apologise for unreasonable grumpiness in advanced old age....

Just noticed something in Brian's post on 7th that we all possibly missed.
He typed - 'do-gooders' - note the quotes which I always take to mean "so-called", and are usually taken to denote a criticism of those who use a term rather than a criticism of those to whom the term is applied.
English can, indeed, be difficult.

Years at KBGS e.g. 1958-1964 (optional) 1958-65

Current location (optional) Leeds

Why English is so difficult? Did you really mean 'complement' Shaun?

Doug

Years at KBGS e.g. 1958-1964 (optional) 1951-58

As I said Doug, pressing send before checking is easy.

Years at KBGS e.g. 1958-1964 (optional) 1958-65

Current location (optional) Leeds

I do it all the time, Shaun. QED!

Doug

Years at KBGS e.g. 1958-1964 (optional) 1951-58

"The rear view mirror is always clearer than the windshield"

Years at KBGS e.g. 1958-1964 (optional) 55-60

Current location (optional) Harrogate

Wasn't that one of Confuseus's sayings, Alec?

Current location (optional) East Yorkshire