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Yorkshire Jokes

Yorkshire Jokes
Yorkshire man takes his cat to the vet.
Yorkshireman: "Ayup, lad, I need to talk to thee about me cat."
Vet: "Is it a tom ?"
Yorkshireman: "Nay, I've browt it wi' us."

***

A Yorkshireman's dog dies and as it was a favourite pet he decides to have a gold statue made by a jeweller to remember the dog by.
Yorkshireman: "Can tha mk us a gold statue of yon dog?"
Jeweller: "Do you want it 18 carat?"
Yorkshireman: "No I want it chewin' a bone, yer daft begger!"

***


A Yorkshireman's wife dies and the widower decides that her headstone should have the words "She were Thine" engraved on it.
He calls the stone mason, who assures him that the headstone will be ready a few days after the funeral. True to his word the stone mason calls the widower to say that the headstone is ready and would he like to come and have a look.
When the widower gets there he takes one look at the stone to see that it's been engraved "She were Thin".
He explodes - good grief, man, you've left the flamin' "e" out!
The stone mason apologises and assures the poor widower that it will be rectified the following morning.
Next day comes and the widower returns to the stone mason - "There you go sir, I've put the "e" on the stone for you"..
The widower looks at the stone and then reads out aloud - "E, She were Thin".

***

Bloke from Barnsley with a sore backside asks chemist "Nah then lad, does ta sell arse cream?"
Chemist replies "Aye, Magnum or Cornetto?"

Years at KBGS e.g. 1958-1964 (optional) 1959-64

Current location (optional) Keighley

Re: Yorkshire Jokes

A Leeds man walks into a High Street bank & asks
for a loan.

He tells the bank officer he is going to Australia on business for two
weeks & needs to borrow £5,000.

The bank officer tells him that the bank will need some form of
security for the loan, so the Yorkshire lad hands over the keys and
documents of new Ferrari parked on the street in front of the bank. He
produces the Log Book & everything checks out.

The loan officer agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan.

The bank manager & its officers all enjoy a good laugh at the
rough-looking Yorkshireman for using a £120,000 Ferrari as collateral
against a £5000 loan.
The bank manager then instructs an employee of the bank to drive the
Ferrari into the bank's underground garage, where he parks it.

Two weeks later, the man returns, repays the £5,000 & the
interest of £15.41.
The bank officer says to the Yorkshireman, "Sir, we are very happy to
have had your business, & this transaction has worked out very
nicely, but we are a little puzzled...while you were away, we checked
you out further & found that you are a multi-millionaire.
What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow "£5,000"?

The Yorkshireman replies: "Where else in Leeds can I park my car for
two weeks for only £15.41 & expect it to be there when I return”

Ah, the mind of a true Yorkshireman...
This is why they survive

Years at KBGS e.g. 1958-1964 (optional) 1952-60

Current location (optional) Lincoln

Re: Yorkshire Jokes

Sorry to rain on the parade but I suspect these have all been seen on the earlier thread "Yorkshire Humour" originally posted by Terry in 2006 and last posted by John Felvus on 19 Jan this year. Lots more on there too.

Years at KBGS e.g. 1958-1964 (optional) 1958-65

Current location (optional) Leeds

Re: Yorkshire Jokes

The memory goes second.

Years at KBGS e.g. 1958-1964 (optional) 55-60

Current location (optional) Harrogate

Re: Yorkshire Jokes

Ok, Shaun, what about this?
The YSO were to perform in a concert in Barnsley. The second trombonist from Ingrow was hoping to meet his newly found friend, a harpist from Mill Hey, whom he had met at earlier rehearsals.
He turned up at the pre-concert rehearsal, scanning the gathered throng but couldn't see his mate.
Turning to the first trombonist, he asked "Wheear's t'arpist?"

Posters are invited to add their own response.

Years at KBGS e.g. 1958-1964 (optional) 1952-60

Current location (optional) Lincoln

Re: Yorkshire Jokes

The Haworth Silver Prize band were returning home from their victory but their charabang broke down and they arrived in the village at 2-30 in the morning. It was customary for the winning band to play ' Hail. the conquering hero comes' on their return to their home base but they did not wish to wake the village - so they took their boots off!

Re: Yorkshire Jokes

Q. "Wheear's t'arpist?"
A. "Up ageean t'back wall"

Years at KBGS e.g. 1958-1964 (optional) 1958-65

Current location (optional) Dudley