Hello everyone,

I have a question for you guys, what is the age of accountability in children?? I heard it say once that it was 13 or 12, some have said as soon as the child knows between right and wrong. I ask because i have an 8 year old who is very mean spirited to his younger brother and sister and has anger issues, gets upset for the slightest thing. I have prayed over him and have counseled him, spoken to him about his behavior and how he needs to be nicer to others. In many ways though he still has a very innocent heart. I have thought of going to a behavioral therapist with him, just because I don't know where is anger stems from. He is very sensitive and cries or gets upset if anyone makes a comment about him that he might perceive as criticism. I have asked him if anyone bullies him at school, his answer is always no. The teachers have no issues with him at school.

However at home he can be very disobedient and disruptive as he gets into arguments a lot with his 7 year old sister and 5 year old brother. He is always very disobedient with me, and his anger is always directed at me, He never disobeys his father or acts up with his Dad. And no, I am not Divorced, we all live under the same roof, so his behavior has nothing to do with Divorce issues.Maybe what I'm asking is a silly question, but lately I have been concerned for him, wondering if he could be Left Behind or not. I know scripture says that our children are sanctified through us, I forget where that is??? Romans I think? Anyway, maybe you all think I'm foolish for asking such a question, but I have been really worried about that.

Maybe you ladies can give me some Ideas on how to deal with him, because he drives me up the wall, there were days I literally cried. My mother thinks he may need more one on one time with me, that maybe he is just jealous of his siblings. Anyway, my question has everything to do with the fact that children should honor their father and mother and the fact that God hates Disobedience. I pray over him often and yes he goes to church with me, I really can't figure him out, and I just hope the Lord gives me Wisdom. He will be 9 years old in December and I was just wondering at what point Does God hold Youths accountable for their actions? I do lead him in prayer as well and encourage him to confess any wrongs he has done during the day, if he has yelled at his sister or been disobedient towards me, He always confesses and is very truthful about it. I'm sorry to bother you all with such a dumb question compared to all the important topics you guys bring up in this forum, my questions seems a little silly.

Thank you all,

Lucy

Dear Lucy,

I am sorry you are dealing with this as it so hurts your heart, my oldest 21 yr old now was that way, and for years I did not know what to do,

Finally I started saying "I am very proud of you" and for any little thing or nothing,

Today he is a normal nice person, though it didn't happen until last year,

and prayer IS your BEST tool for this as it was for me, I never, ever let up,

and when family members would say mean and discouraging things I would not accept those words and kept going in the right direction,

and I would tell him I was praying and even prayed with him frequently, out loud so he could hear my requests.

You are lucky he is still so young,

I don't think he is accountable yet, just having a hard time sorting out this crazy world we live in now a days.

PS My child would take a lot of things a part so that did not set well with me, BUT now learning more of what the Hebrew words in the Bible say about how to bring up a child is in their direction, so probably if I had been more supportive of his proclivity he would have felt more comfortable.

Today he works for Sprint repairing phones and he takes them apart and puts them together all day long, he is in heaven I think. He sure has made me Proud.:)

Sister in Christ,
Deborah

Thank you Deborah,


I always try to pinpoint at what point he started having the anger issues, and i believe they started with video game playing, His Dad is a big gamer and I never felt comfortable with him playing. His dad thinks there is nothing wrong with him playing of course, But his dad does not see things in a spiritual way, as he is not serving the Lord. I think there are demon spirits that can influence children through Games, Just as Gaming has a very strong influence over my husband which I have had a hard time breaking that Yolk off of him.

Anyway I started noticing that my child's anger started with the games, then I started limiting how much he could play what days he could play and what type of games he was allowed to play, that started creating friction between him and I. My husband would let him play the play station, but I did not like some of the games he allowed him to play as i thought they were to violent. This issue has caused friction between my husband and I as well, although now my husband is finally respecting my wishes in this department.

So anyway my husband decided to get him the wii system which has more age appropriate games and sports games, still I saw that my child would get very upset whenever he played and was mean an abusive in his wording to his other siblings when they played with him, so I would punish him and take the games away for a week or more, but it was the same story whenever he played again, furthermore his behavior towards me was terrible.

I felt like i was dealing with an addict as that was all he asked for constantly and its almost as if he made my life miserable on purpose, so that I could cave in and let him play. Finally I decided, this has to stop!!! I am not going to let Satan destroy my kids life through Gaming and become an addict like his Dad. a few months ago I took the games away from my son completely, I do not allow him to play at all, not even on my cell phone. It has been hard, a lot of tantrums. But I have also seen a gradual change in his behavior, Its slow and steady, but he is learning to interact better with his siblings and play with his Legos more (which he loves). He still has the anger a bit, but not as bad as it was. I am still working on him prayerfully, keep him in your prayers for me guys, His name is Lucas. I lift all of you up in prayer daily, please help me out too
.
Deborah I am so glad to hear about your son!!! May God Bless him. Its funny you should say that about him taking apart everything, my little one, whom just turned 5 this September, he is just like that. Thank you for your words of encouragement Deborah!!


God Bless you
Lucy

Your welcome Lucy, :)

and I will keep you and your family in my prayers too,

As nervous as our little children make us when we see them going in the wrong direction, don't you know the Lord, (if he could be I mean, I am using nervous as an example)

could be nervous about ALL of us, what a trial these last 6000+ years have been for Him.

I can't wait till this is over!,

Come Quickly Lord!

Many Blessings to you Lucy for being a loving and caring parent.

I think it is not the age that they know right from wrong, as even a toddler knows it's not nice to hit someone, etc. I think it is the age at which the child can understand and recognize the sacrifice Jesus made for us on the cross, and understand what it means to ask Jesus to save them from being a sinner.
As for a child who has anger issues, My girl (11) can be quite that was as well, and I sometimes feel that she is angry to deflect her emotions. She is super sensisive and emotional. A male child might even have a harder time being so emotional and sensitive and so often will use anger as a way to hide or deflect his emotions, as it is not as acceptable for a male to show emotion in our society as it is for a female. What helped the most with my girl was spending a lot of one on one quality time with her dicussing how HER actions affected others, and what responses were appropriate and what are not (she had a bad habit of hitting her older brother when he made her mad). I also set up a chart where if she went a day without hitting or doing one of the "bad" actions I gave her a star. So many stars in one week earns a prize out of the "prize bag" (a bag full of small 1$ or 2$ items that they picked out with a few surprises in there as well). If she did one of the bad responses or actions (yelling, hitting, calling names, stealing etc) she got a big black X on that day. So many X's meant no prize, or even further punishements which we decided upon together (I always try to involve her in the punishments as she comes up with worse punishments for herself than I do lol). Everytime I pass the chart I talk about how many pretty stars she had and how close she was to earning a prize, always trying to emphasize the good over the bad.
I have other ideas I have tried too that I can share with you. There are some REALLY great books about raising boys that will give you insight into your child and his temperment. I would have no worries at all!! He is just being him....and God loves him just as he is. Some children just take a little more effort on our part to raise up. You will do great, you already are looking for ways to help and improve his temperment and that is great.

There is a book and a website (all of the book info is on the website for free) that was written by a very seasoned mom with great kids, many who are now wonderful adults.
Her theory is to keep your children close, especially when they are having issues, being able to correct them and work on what matters- their hearts. She gives good, Biblical advice. There is also a message board on the website for help and fellowship.

http://raisinggodlytomatoes.com/ (this name came from the idea of how you tie tomatoes close to the stake so that they grow nicely)

Everyone I know who has either gone through this book/website or parents in a similar way has great relationships with their children and the children are happy and fun people to be around.

but, of course, prayer is the best advice.

Yeah, some of those games have caused kids to kill their parents.. Dungeons and Dragons was one if I remember correctly..

My son came home one time back in the '90s showing me a game that he just bought with a Pentagram on the cover.

I made him take it back and told him to never buy or play anything that was associated with the devil..

As a parent in todays culture, we need to keep a constant watch over the children because these schools push this non-sense upon them thru the teachers and the other students as well..

I've got a 13 year old g-daughter that was baptized last year. Now she came out about a month ago and said that she didn't believe that there was a God.

I talked to her and told her my experience growing up and at age 15 that I had seen Jesus, etc.. and that I know for sure that he is real.. So she started to think a little more positive for awhile..

Well, that lasted about 1-2 months now I guess she was influenced at school with the evolution non-sense that we came from monkeys... She told her mom that we came from monkeys and wasn't created by God..

I mean it really sad what pressure is put upon our children today..


Joseph


Joseph

Lucy..

Dr. Dobson has an excellent book..I think it is called "Bringing Up Boys"...You might want to check into it..

It really is RJ the devil has had his way,

way to long,

it is just creepy how every thing is so perverted and distorted,

Blessings Brother!!!

Dear Lucy, I am coming late to this conversation, but my heart feels for you as I raised two boys. One of whom to this day HATES to lose. This quality serves him well in some circumstances, such as doing outstanding work because he wouldn't have it any other way! God bless him.

In Numbers 14, the age of accountability was 20. Everyone 20 years and older who grumbled against the Lord could not enter the promised land.

God bless you and God bless your son.

Thank you Regina!!!

You are not late, any and all comments are greatly appreciated. That was interesting about the 20 years of age, I think the reason others have used as an example the age of 12 or 13 in the past, is because of the age a child is Bar mitzvad in the Jewish culture. That is the age they are allowed to read the Torah I believe.



Lucy

Age of Bar Mitzvah is 13 for boys, 12 for girls. (it used to be that girls didn't have such a ceremony)

This is once more a testimony how God is more gracious than man. In Numbers 14, it is God who says age 20 is accountable. For Bar Mitzvah, it is the tradition of man.