escaped from one of them, got busted in Oregon and did some time in the penitentiary there. Then back to Washington where I did another bit for the escape, then more time for the burglaries and theft I'd originally been in for.

I was finally out again, for the fourth time, and I was passing a gal in a library who was talking to a boy about the Lord. I immediately launched into my anti-god anti-Jesus spiel and began trashing their faith to the best of my abilities. It was a public library and there were other people there, so I couldn’t go assaulting anyone, but I sure tried to instigate a fight. This fellow was pretty taken aback and could feel that I wanted to hurt him, and any word that could have been the least bit derogatory back could have led to bad violence. But she stepped up to me and faced me off. I couldn’t hurt her, for some reason after being so abused as a child; I found it impossible to hit women or kids, my only redeeming quality. Maybe that’s why I took it out on guys so bad. But she stood right up to me, and battled me back. She was full of love, and she had something else. Something that was way different than anyone else I'd ever met who was a Christian. She had a look in her eyes, or was it on her face, maybe it was an aura, it said "I Know God". I could tell it, could feel it, could see it, it was all over her. She knew God, Personally. And I had to leave because I was way off balance!

Later that evening I was haunted by the encounter, through the night, and into the next day. I finally went back to the library to see if I might find her again, and there she was. I approached her, I thought at first to try her faith again, but no, that wasn’t it. When I tried to speak I couldn’t say anything mean. She spoke to me but I couldn’t understand her words. I was so confused I left and went straight home. That evening I had plans to follow a complex ritual, and I couldn’t concentrate. I was continually haunted by that girl who “knew God”. It plagued me over and over till I finally looked up into heaven and shouted "who are you that she can know you that well?"

What happened next is etched in my heart and soul forever. For immediately I was no longer in my room at home, but I instead found myself pinned on a giant floor. Every atom of my being felt so black and horrible like all the darkness of my soul was exposed, God, the living presence before me was pure incredible glory, like the whole sun was just two inches from my face, I felt so horrible and despicable. I could feel His holiness, so pure and great, it burned like molten metal to be near it. I knew my guilt, and wanted to be dead, even more than dead, every bit of my soul wanted to be undone utterly, to get away from His presence. But I couldn’t, I was there, before the “Creator of all things”. I knew it was Him, and there was no hiding the real me. No hiding the darkness of my own heart. I was utterly and completely exposed to the holiness of God, yet I felt I was protected. That there was something in the full glory and holiness of God and it was protecting me and shielding around me. I could feel it. I knew that if I were to experience all that Holiness and Glory without that protection I would be truly dead. I was crushed. Then I was back, but the world was forever changed for me. There was no way I could ever worship Satan again, ever turn against a Christian again, or ever be against God again. The evil that filled my heart was crushed forever, and on that day, May 1, 1987, I gave my heart and soul to Jesus forever.

The next day I went and found the gal, Barbara, and told her of my experience. She brought me to her church and I began the long and painful process of becoming a man of god. I began Bible studies, and studied a lot. The church I was with was the Brethren, a wonderful group of brothers and sisters - kind of radical in a traditional sense, and I got baptized by them in the Puget Sound of Washington. I became a total fanatic for the Lord. My experience was pretty extreme, so I stopped cussing, drinking, smoking, and all the things I loved to do. I prayed to the “New God” I now knew, and I prayed all day long. And His presence was with me and in me always. He filled my life with something very new, called “Love”. It was beautiful and it scared the **** out of me. Love was stranger to me, than most of what I've said may seem to some of you. I was way out of my element. It was hard for me to be that way; not to swear, smoke, all the things I'd become addicted to over the years, all gone, being someone totally different. I'd forced myself to live the life I thought Jesus wanted me to live, and I was miserable and got more miserable every day.

The thing is, it wasn’t necessarily the life Jesus wanted me to live at all. But the one I thought He wanted me to live. No matter how much I forced myself to ch