. It was just a game I liked to play, cause it led to sex. It also opened the doors to getting into Satanism and other dark occult practices later.

I was hitchhiking from L.A. to Seattle when I had my first big run in with the law. I ended up walking from south L.A. to Santa Barbara with my thumb out the whole way. This was back in 79'. Hitchhiking was still supposed to be ok, heck its how we "rainbows" got around. The trains were hard to predict, and hobos went wherever the trains went, we rainbows had to be in specific places at specific times. After walking all that way, I just got so tired of walking so I stole a car. It wasn’t the first car I ever stole, but it was the first one I ever got caught in. So I went to the San Mateo work and fire camp in California. That was my first real problem, but it lead to a rash of legal encounters that in the end landed my butt in a uniform for the U.S. Army. That was mercy in them days, and it was too. I was in a bad way, and getting worse. But the army straitened me out. Except for all that great hash, and killer beer, and pretty gals in Wurzburg. I was a good soldier, and an even better partier. Barely got me an honorable discharge, and back to the streets from which I came.

Instead of going back to California where I had joined , I went back to Washington and tried to work it out with my real father, I just didn’t have the capacity for civil behavior. I couldn’t get along with society in any way. Spent a little while working as a body guard to an up and coming music producer, that’s when the drive by incident happened, he got me and my friends out of trouble, but I couldn’t work for him anymore so it was back to the streets. Always back to the streets. Over and over I go back to the streets, back ON the streets. Living in hell, under a house or bridge, on a roof, stealing to eat, and looking to vent my hatred. Every time life went wrong or got worse I just festered even harder on my childhood. Why couldn’t I have been born to good parents, who loved their kids, and cared for them? All the evil I experienced every day is just a continuing of the life I had as a child. So I delved into the evil, and into Satanism, and every evil rotten thing I could find, magic, sorcery, and drugs, until my whole life was just darkness. The dark numbness swallowed me up like the muffling of sound when your ears won’t pop. The rest of the world looks normal, but you can’t seem to hear. The rest of the world looked normal, but I couldn’t seem to feel.

Fifteen counts of burglary, theft, guns, I was in big trouble. And got big time for it. This time I was off to the joint, not some minimum custody work camp. Shelton, WA. "Gladiator school". Training school for all that is bitter and Satanism too. One of my dark teachers there taught me to use the bible to make even darker evil rituals and what not. The use of twisted Christianity into Satanism seemed perfect for someone who hated god as much as I did. The evil there reminded me of home. I couldn’t get out, couldn’t get along, violence was all there was. Even if I wasn’t right in it, I was right up against it. Constantly the violence gnawed at my sanity. I ended up in the hole so much I practically lived there.

The Christians had all the answers. At least they meant well, I was just really messed up. It was supposed to be so easy, just give him your heart; all will be better, yadda yadda. I did, and nothing changed, I was still lost, confused, angry, hurt, scared. My heart was not convicted of sin. It was convicted of troubles, hard times, and regretted getting caught. I was convinced of my own inability to live in a way that could be considered civilized. But not of Gods true existence, or my personal need for the Blood of Jesus to cover my sins in the eyes of God. I tried to get God as part of my "try to get along with society" efforts. If I cooperate with society, I can get out of prison and stay out. If I get in on the God side, I’m cooperating with society. I tried every type of religion there was, gave my heart to each and every one, Except that I didn’t have a heart worth giving, my heart was just darkness. I was after God and religion to get my ass out of this jam.

I was so bitter that religion wouldn’t work for me, that I started to persecute Christians. I found it easy to shake their faith, and I did. I shook the faith of every believer I met, every chance I had, if it was a guy and I could get away with it, I'd even try to get a few good smacks or at the least a healthy slap in. I took pleasure in bragging about how badly I treated them. That "I put Gods people to the test, to see if they were worthy of the call". I had become so wrapped up in my hate and evil that I just lived it - all day every day.

I'd gone through a grip of institutions, other prisons, and work releases, I escaped